January 1st, 2008

Yesterday I almost die,  alone, in pain, then darkness, without a place to escape, only darkness, then a great peace fills my heart, so great, so big, that I don't wake up, there's nothing left for me, nobody cares about me anymore, but i can't die, there's still people that i care, people how will need my help, but what will happen when i will need help, they'll turn their backs on me, as they always do, but that's the path that i choose a long time ago, to live for the sake of the others, but now I doubt about it, I know that in some place live the one how will love me as I will love her, as I love everyone, that woman how will complete my heart, how can understand me, because I'm really complicated, a woman how likes to be treated as a princess, as queen as a goddess, I have to move on, I have to live, I can't die here, I have to found her, and I have to help the ones how need help, hear the ones how need to talk, speak with the one how need an advise, love those who don't have anything else in life, give them a reason to move on, telling them this words, "Even if can't stand up, even if you lose your life, I'm a friend by your side, you never gonna be alone"

January 5, 2008

I'll been thinking about what happened the last day of the year, almost my last day too, remmebering every single detail, every feeling, every thought, still I remember the moment of inmortal peace, and I miss it, I want to feel it again, but I don't want to die, at least not now, I have to do every single thing that I promised, I'm a man of word, a man how keep his promises, even if that means pain and despair for me, but there's still one thing that don't let me sleep in nights, that's haunting me, a felling, love, because in my heart lives one person, the one I love both as a friend and as a man,  but that girl is out of my reach, i don't have oportunity of ever being with her, and then I end floating in the sea of thought, with my only partner, the only one how was there with me always, lonenlyness, howling in the night as a wolf looking for his pack, but knowing that he will never found them, that's me, that lone wolf, trying to survive while I look for my pack, and dreaming about the day that I will found them, with my partner the moon, she's my moon in this world without my pack, the one i love most but the one how will never be at my side... "never wanna makemistakes, never wanna do no wrong, never have a place to belong"